S M O K E S E E R

2012

2011-12-31T11:48:00.000+02:00

Happy New Year!

[psycho]logical.

2011-12-14T22:21:00.000+02:00

I have always had respect for real psychologists. When I say "real psychologist", I mean a person who spends their time studying the human mind and then helping those in need, by explaining. But here, I won't talk about the real psychologists, because they're a good thing to this wounded society. Instead, I will talk about the psycho-logists, how I like to call them. These people are poor copies of the real psychologists. Most of them will direct their own problems onto you, they will create diseases that they'll project onto you and you, most of the times, will believe.I dealt with such a "character" in the past and it's not pretty. This is why I call it a psycho-logic, because it is the logic of an unright mind. People like this are toxic. They will judge you and make you believe that every single gesture that you do is an underlying effect of a disease cause. They will consider every spur of the moment, a sign of either weakness or insanity. They have the power to turn you insane by inducing. They will look at you, full of disbelief and split your every move in ten.

I advise you to stay away from them. You will one day be able to recognize them from the way they look; their gaze is sick and fixed and their presence is in a constant awaiting for what they consider to be a mistake. A lot of them will go to get a psychological degree, so they can use it in their own demonic game. They learn more about the human mind so that they can toy with it in their own twisted way. In other words, they will learn more about how you work so that they can professionally screw you up. You will enter sane and leave a schizophrenic; you will enter as a life lover and exit as a suicidal. They are toxic, I am telling you. I am writing this as an alarm sign, because I see more of them "growing" in society. You must refuse to become a victim of this scum and make a difference between a real psychologist, that is a life saver and this poison.

Another type is the sad type of the person that already has a weak mind and pursues a study in psychology. This person will either be stronger or will implode. A lot of these people, sadly, implode and end up six feet under.

Still, I am trying to raise awareness about this poison. Do not let them have control over your mind because once they do, it's very hard to turn back.

Autumn's Day Off & A Borrowed Camera

2011-11-15T22:42:00.000+02:00

Days like this can be so fun, running away from work, borrowing a camera and just catching autumn on her day off. :) Why borrowing a camera? Well, because I'm too much of a lazybones to carry my own...

The Debauchery and the Puritanism

2011-11-12T18:56:00.000+02:00

It's amazing that after so many tons of hundreds of years of evolution, mankind is still bluntly obsessed with breasts and sex. I guess that the beast within is still alive and kicking. I am not talking about the natural instinct of reproduction or the beauty of making love. I am talking about this voyeurism, these quotes that so-called journalists add in their articles whenever there's the discussion about a couple. It's all about how often they have sex, where, how and when. The notion of privacy has become a synonyme of puritanism. She says so publicly "I'm getting laid tonight" in the same tone she'd be saying "I'm eating tonight". She talks about her yeast infection in the middle of the bus. He drools at the sight of a nipple, as if only some women have them. We have become a script of debauchery and puritanism. You didn't get laid for 2 weeks, you must be dying. You enjoy sex, but refrain from telling this to the world, it means that you're so closed. Your underwear has become an "overwear". You don't wear a bra anymore, but wear a blouse: I say, why bother? Go topless, it's the same, people see through it like through glass. You act decent, it means that you never have moments of pure lack of it. You become less of a man and attract more women. You become less of a woman and a trend setter. You cannot be noticed if you didn't "serve" some "businessman". You change the definition of the word "businessman". You wear boots that make you look like an elefant. Oh, I belong about 150 years ago, but can I keep my jeans, phone and computer?...

Mannequins in Love

2011-11-06T19:34:00.001+02:00

I often see couples. I came to feel allergic to the couples that I'm about to describe. These people ruin the name of love for me. They ruin the idea of a couple. I see girls who allow their boyfriends to treat them like hell because they're too scared to put their foot down. I see boys being manipulated by their girlfriend because they think that it'll pass with time. I see couples that shove their triviality in my face, having no limit with public displays of affection. I see couples who almost never talk, they just stare in each other's eyes, like drunk, in the middle of the bus or subway. They often forget that people have to pass or that that state should be private. I hear their kisses, every 5 seconds, in public, as if they die without a break. I hear couples preaching about love, but who have so many problems. I see them unable to refrain from so many public displays of affection, but unable to say a word, unable to act decent for once. By decent I mean finding the right moment for everything, for I don't say that a kiss should never occur in public. I never said this.

These couples are usually the ones that preach to me about love. I said "me" in a general way. They're the people who write "X+Y=love" on all the walls of their existence. What remains are just the walls closing in on them. Empty walls with doodles of love and affection. Carton love, an empty shell. They sometimes become dependent and one example is a girl who would not do anything without her boyfriend present. God forbid she'd do something on her own, her hands would fall! This addiction makes you break up after years. I've been there, I know. Others have been there and they know. I don't generalise, of course, some people are born to be dependent (which is sad, but oh well).

What's my problem with these people? They bug me and I suppose I bug them too, for being such a party pooper like myself :). I've seen couples who radiate with love, who "know just when to kiss and when to kill". They don't paint a kitsch image of two in love like these people that act like pre-teens. They make me say "yeah, this is the real business". They do have problems like any other being, but they deal with them in a wise way. They sit at the table, alive, looking at the two mannequins next to them, frozen in a kiss. They look and laugh. The mannequins kiss mechanically, they giggle like a busted radio, they stare at each other like dumb, standing in everybody's way.

Oh, but they're no different from these two in my photo.

Death and the Flying Colors

2011-10-28T21:14:00.000+03:00

For those who have forgotten their eyes and hearts, far away from the forest that everyone should become at a given time. Although I'm a summer girl, I do prefer to become that forest in autumn, where the colors are uncensored, where others walk through my mind and stare in wonder, admitting how natural bright yellow can be. They take photos, but these colors can never be reproduced in full flesh. They look at me and think that I'm dying, that my leaves are like thoughts that I've left for dead, but within me life pulses like an atomic warfare, for there should be no death painted with such bright colors except for the death of a star.

Our Story

2011-09-13T20:05:00.000+03:00

Our story; it stays there.

The.Wavegirl.

2011-09-06T21:47:00.000+03:00

"One day she comes to you like a wave in the sun, when you stand straight and it makes you fall into your knees. You knew her from years before, you watched her, but never talked, never spoke a word. She knew you, too, maybe she thought of you in your absence, maybe she didn't. You're a drifter, she's the same as you. You're a player and so is she. You like her light, she likes your years. The thoughts get crowded in rooms or in open spaces that close up into long kisses. Thoughts run free, hands touch, bodies ignite. Your heart is somewhere else and for a while it seems that you've put hers in your chest instead. For a while. You live within her, for a while. Then you linger on her skin as she leaves you, but not for too long. She lingers in your veins for a short while, but water dries fast. Too fast. She thinks that you love her, but what's love got to do with being hit by a wave?

But that feels so much better than years spent in shallow waters, doesn't it? How dull is a sea without waves...? It's not dangerous, maybe it's deep, but how does it entertain you? Yes, the deep dangerous waters are interesting to see, but if you spend more time. There's no time. She likes your touch. She likes your taste and scent, your body when it's ready. She doesn't know your mind, nor does she want it. Consensual usage. Mutual usage. She came and conquered. She had you when she wanted. She left; sadness; nothing more than physical missing. She'd like to keep your kisses, not your words, your arms, but not your embrace. Your lust, not your love."

~~~

You felt so good to me, my summer son. Lovely to know you, at last. And one day, who knows, we might repeat this. Thank you for the memory. :)

[I am back from Thassos, Greece. It's a place I hold so dear. Sometimes I feel like I own it. And if you're a surfer and would like to teach me some moves, drop me a line, I just got a mini surf board that I love!]

The Prettiest Flower

2011-08-15T17:30:00.000+03:00

Often I hear this phrase: "the sexiest/most beautiful person in the world", mostly in magazines. Every magazine votes for its most beautiful guy/girl in the world and most of the times, this prize is won by different people. The X magazine nominates this person while the Y magazine nominated the other. Still, their prize seems to be irrefutable. Well, it's not. Now, I will not be the hypocrite to say that nobody is ugly and everyone is beautiful. No. There are ugly people, but they surely are beautiful to someone. The girl with huge teeth and slimy blondish hair, the pimples guy weighing 50kg, they're both beautiful to someone in this world. Not to me, I admit. It's just like these nominations, as ephemere as the prizes: one magazine's beauty is another magazine's sidekick.

So, if I or any other woman says that Miss Universe of any year isn't so beautiful, it doesn't automatically means it's jealousy involved. It may mean that I've seen other girls who are MUCH more beautiful. It means that it's impossible to claim this role because you've never met all the ladies of this Universe. Aliens would surely laugh at this! Or if a girl says about another girl that she's not so pretty, it isn't always the jealous side speaking, or the PMS or being dumped by the boyfriend. Same with men.

[I also have a message for Bojana J. otherwise known as Michael Weatherly's wife: I respect that Michael loves you so much, but for the love of God, stop posing on all magazine covers and trying to get famous. Take Sean or Rocky's wives examples. And this isn't jealousy speaking, as I am into Mark Harmon. I am not being jealous, but just observing how annoying this can get sometimes. I've dated a guy who is now famous and never in my life did I decide to send our photo to the media, to get a name. He's not as famous as Michael is, but it's the same pot. Of course there are people who say how amazing you are and sure, you may be, but posing on magazine covers all the time just makes you look too eager to be known. Love can easily be lived in silence. This is NOT any form of harrassment or calomny, as people are entitled to their opinions and there has been no name-calling involved. Maybe you aren't even trying to be famous, but still, take Sean and Rocky's wives examples. Peace out.]

The Alcoholic Chronicle

2011-08-13T18:47:00.000+03:00

For a while now I've been keeping this bottled up from this place. Before anyone says anything, I used to drink, so I know what I am talking about. There are a few situations that made me realize how low human self esteem may get. One of them is if you go out somewhere, drink soda and the other says "oh, you're on duty." You may ask: "Why?" "Because you don't drink alcohol." So, alcohol is mandatory; if someone doesn't drink alcohol at a party or get together, they're either on duty, a pussy, a child. Last night, there were over 5 commercials for beer; alright, that is for marketing, I get it. Last night, as well, there was a show about paramedics who go to parties and save those who get wasted. Exactly, get wasted. Because the industrial quantities that they drink is really screwed up. There was this guy who was being laid on his belly so that he doesn't choke with vomit.

So, I say, how amazing is for the self esteem to be choking with vomit? If you'll say anything about Hendrix, I will say "yeah, but he wasn't some empty little teenager, he was an icon and becoming a legend is hard if you don't get help". What about these kiddies, though? It was a beach party in a rich place, I don't assume that these kids are misunderstood. How amazing it must be to be such a joke of yourself.

There was another question somewhere about your wildest night. 98% of the people said about the stupid things that they've done while being drunk. So, technically, THEY weren't even there, they needed their little drink to get the guts. Well, I was one of the 2% who shared all the wildest nights while being sober. The nights I've had while being drunk are classified as lame, pathetic and never to be done ever again. So, before you order your drink of courage, think if it suits your self esteem to rely on it to do something, anything. If you do need it, then you should look inside yourself, because it's a serious problem there. Of course, since it's such a trend to get drunk, the people around you will classify you as a wuss for not getting to the point where you puke all over yourself.

Yes, alcohol can be good in small doses. It can also be good if you want to get a bit dizzy sometimes. It's sad, though, when it reaches the point where it becomes a must do, a "you're on duty if you don't drink". Or, sure, anyone is free to choke with vomit if it's worth the price.

Disappear Here

2011-07-04T22:03:00.000+03:00

To disappear into the light, wherever that might be. Is there a silhouette there, where you can see?

Roxette

2011-06-01T23:42:00.000+03:00

One of my dreams came true. I wish I found the photos I took by their homes in Haverdal.

On Narrow Mindedness

2011-05-09T20:33:00.000+03:00

There is something that came to my attention recently and it's surprising, coming from the respected person that thought of such abomination: doubling foreign films instead of subtitling them. I stayed in countries where films were doubled and most people didn't even know basic English, they didn't know how De Niro's voice sounds, they didn't know lines that changed the world's perspective on some ideas, such as the Terminator's "I'll be back". If you want your films doubled, double them, but don't force the whole country stand YOUR idea of a movie night. If YOU cannot concentrate to read subtitles, have someone translate the movie for YOU, because trust me, most people have no problem reading subtitles. Don't assume that everybody is thinking like YOU.

So, you think that the integrity of our language is being tresspassed by the use of English? Talk in Romanian, don't force everybody to go by YOUR views. Dictatorship much? How about music? Will you ask for all the songs from famous singers to be doubled, as well? Will you ask Led Zeppelin to be doubled? How about opera? Come on, double that as well, maybe Latin is also interfering with our oh-so Romanian legacy. There are so many words taken from other languages and yet YOU think that Romanian's power is being threatened by the airing of foreign movies in their ORIGINAL status.

Make us a narrow minded country, as if we aren't enough...as if there aren't so many of our own already who laugh at anything foreign and who are so proud to say that they never visited a foreign country. Make us think that by enjoying a film or speaking a foreign language, we aren't patriotic anymore. Do you want to talk about patriotism? Patriotism means respecting your country and NOT rejecting multicultural exchange. If you want this, stop trying to promote our national food to other countries, forbid people to speak foreign languages. Let's see how your kids will communicate outside of this country. Oh wait, you forbid them to go there.

It's people with such caveman mentalities that will laugh at the "ephemerality" of a person's drawing on the street and not perceive it as an act of creation, a hobby, like the creation of a new, improved culture, from many languages and ideas. It's laws like this that make me be ashamed to say that these people have the right to decide for us.

Morning Talk

2011-05-03T11:55:00.000+03:00

They like to greet the morning with a talk. Ahh, the women of Italy...

Interrupt the Reflections

2011-04-21T11:44:00.000+03:00

When you reflect, the image forms like in your eye, upside down, doesn't it?...Since we talk about the eyes of the mind. Does interrupting the reflection disrupt the image? Is the next time one reflects going to be different or the same? Tell me.

Sex Talk

2011-04-15T22:16:00.000+03:00

If you came to this entry because of the title, this proves my point. Sex attracts, it sells, it promotes [most of these non-talents especially women]. If a movie doesn't have its regular sex scene or a naked woman, it is classified as unfinished, dull, not in the recipe. People have become so obsessed with the idea of sex that if you watch them from the outside, they look really pathetic, worse than animals in heat. Girls wear those heels and can't walk on it and instead of being sexy as they want to be, they look stupid. Guys take that lame orangutan-like walk, thinking that they will attrack females. And the sad part is that they do. Everything is about breasts, cleavage, asses and lips. Women get excited by cars and men talk to tits. But does the car cuddle you or do the tits answer? People have become so low, so animalic, so subhuman.

I greatly enjoy sex, I am not hypocritical to say that I don't if I do. But, to me, it's a private thing, something that I want to share with that person or talk about with a close friend, at most. Enjoying sex is one thing and desperately invoking it in EVERY action you do is something else. Being sexual by nature has NOTHING to do with my rant. I am talking about desperate people.

What made me write about this is this movie on tv, where this man was chasing some bad guys who caught his daughter. Her life was being threatened and he goes and fights and fights to find her. All good UNTIL there comes a scene where he has sex with someone. Seriously? A normal father whose daughter's life is in jeopardy stops and fucks some woman? Can he even physically feel like having sex?? If my father or mother did this, I would be completely disgusted in their behavior and disappointed and I know that they would NOT do this. I mean, I am being kept in a dungeon, eaten by rats and they get laid while I might even be tortured or raped? And I realized: it didn't matter all this, all that mattered is that they HAD to put that sex scene in the movie, to stay in their lame recipe. I wouldn't have minded so much if it were at the end, when he found his daughter and he could finally live again.

And this is the analogy with society and sex. Yes. This movie. This recipe that is honestly expired, but it keeps being used and used and overused and as much as sex is talked about, a down-to-earth woman who enjoys a one night stand is still being called a slut. Well, now, folkes, if you want to talk about sex, talk right and talk fair at least.

Why the picture? Because it's the idea of one idiot throwing a rock and 100 scientists trying to take it out. In the picture's case, it was a drop. And who will stop these waves?...

thk.u.

2011-04-05T22:56:00.000+03:00

Thank you all for sending such lovely comments to my blog, my photos and my words. The road of inspiration may have hidden places, intimate moments remaining unshared, but the path always goes ahead.

Where the heroes go...

2011-04-04T23:36:00.000+03:00

They go into the storm, not away from it. They never fear neither death nor eternal disappointment.

Roaming

2011-03-27T19:25:00.002+03:00

Skinless

2011-03-22T00:07:00.001+02:00

I’m stretched upon my silent grave,
As years forget to pass
For I’ve become the king and slave
Of my own world of glass.
I quavered at the sight of you
And mimed a reverence,
While you were cold as a statue
And bribed by your absence.

I passed and locked my dreams in yours,
Indulging my despair,
Watching you yield to sins and whores;
No time for me to spare.
I painted sky where there was none,
And stars to light your way,
You scrawled a road where you can run,
Brought dark in my pathway.

Now I still wait, in love’s demise,
For sorrow and for pain,
I carved my skin to break these ties:
The pain – reversed and plain.
I asked you once if I should wait,
Until the end above,
What I left out is…I’ll await
Until the end of love.

You think these words declare worship,
Since this you can repel:
Indifferent forge of friendship
That missed its way to hell.
Now, if you try to comprehend
And drop your guard of swords,
You have to see: my wounds will mend
Beneath the skin of words.

©DP, 2008-2011.

.thought.ful.

2011-03-13T19:36:00.004+02:00

*It would be good for people to have a built-in GPS added at birth, but used ONLY in emergencies; dramatic events such as missing persons in natural disasters would diminish. The only condition is for the "watchers" to NOT abuse the power and that wouldn't happen. My thoughts go to all the people affected by the earthquake in Japan..may you guys be found alive.

*I would never inject silicone into my breasts. Yes, I would like for my breasts to be a bit bigger at times, but this is how nature made me and I would not risk my life being made of plastic. Besides, I want a man who likes me how I am. There are changes you can make to your body, like hair dye, piercings, aesthetic operations when really NEEDED, but to risk my health/life for something so trivial is really stupid.

*[regarding vf & graphics in general] I hate making top cults/top profile banners for people that, except for the stupid size limit imposed by the site, also ask for a lot of photos or a complicated animation and it makes it almost impossible to be in the size threshhold. Overall, I hate making top cults/top profile banners entirely, but especially under those conditions. I also hate it when people give very poor quality photos, but give the example of a very high quality graphic and don't realize that you cannot add anything to low pixel imagery.

*I have noticed often how usually fat women tell me to gain weight and tell me how skinny I am because I "don't eat". Seriously, don't assume that every skinny person is an anorexic or sick, you can be skinny just like that. Preoccupy yourself in losing some of your weight before you mind my business and be informed that I eat like a pig.

*Gypsies aren't romanian, just because one has a nationality doesn't make them romanian. There are romanian gypsies as well as there are romanian black people, but gypsies as a whole are not romanian. Gypsies settled here long ago because our country was very prosperous and now they're moving to other countries because those are prosperous. Whoever says that gypsies are Romania's problem is either politically brainwashed or knows nothing of what they're talking about.

*[here comes the rant in my mind about everything that is wrong in my country and I will not write it here because I might get in trouble.]

*I hate teenage pregnancy. I dislike early marriage with a few exceptions including if I were to meet Mark in another world, I would marry him but under no circumstance would we have a child now, when I am 23. I don't like people who rush so much to live an adult life when they have all their life ahead for this. I also find the idea of having a kid because "you were too drunk to use a condom" to be the biggest insult to motherhood.

*I don't like people who have a bad marriage and tell everyone "marriage is not what you always dreamed of, don't get married". Just because you couldn't make it right doesn't mean that I won't. I will meet my prince charming and will have an awesome marriage because I believe in this.Marriage is something sacred and all you breed there is profanity.

*I love cool moms, I saw one in the subway some time ago, she looked very cute and had an eyebrow piercing and her son was dressed awesome. I will be one of those cool moms one day.

*I don't like the idea of guns/shotguns as toys for kids, especially boys. That teaches them to be violent.

*Whenever I see a parent hitting or swearing their child, I feel like killing him. These people don't deserve to have a kid; no matter how obnoxious he is, you do NOT kick or swear your own child.

*My best friend told me that you can sue the condom firm if the condom breaks. I am sorry I didn't do this. I find it unacceptable that a condom can break, in this time and age. I would also install a form of education for teenagers, but taken serious, to teach them about contraceptive methods and the risks of being an idiot regarding your sex life.

*My iPhone got me to talk to some cool people that I didn't talk for a long time. He is improving my social life :D. And yes, my iPhone is a he and he is alive, it is not just a phone, but a personality.

*I love that spring has finally come, after a few failed attempts. I was really tired of huge jackets and large boots and cold weather.

Photospection 20.0

2011-03-03T13:55:00.000+02:00

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.

In space. It's the ultimate travelling experience for me. And I'd love to do so without a suit and everywhere in space.

[*image: NASA]

Virtual Spring

2011-03-03T00:36:00.000+02:00

It often happens that I tell someone that I am absolutely TIRED of winter and they tell me that they love it. Boy, this doesn't help at all. I never liked winter, I always hated the cold. Now, after years, it seems that this damn season is lasting longer and longer...last year I remember this curse lasted until the end of March. I want spring, I want it for real, not on my PC screen, not in a blog entry, not in a photo. I yearn for spring. Winter has always been like a jail for me, except for the tiny cute period which is the Christmas/New Year one. The rest is an endless curse of cold, trillions of clothes, lack of comfort, lack of mood and of colors. Winter is nice at the mountains, not here where the snow gets dirty, where it's mud on the street, where it's even greyer everywhere.

Winter - Reprise

2011-02-26T11:48:00.001+02:00

This is madness.

The Winter Chronicles

2011-02-24T20:30:00.001+02:00

The fact that I absolutely despise winter except for when I'm at the mountains is a known fact about me. But I absolutely adore snowflakes. Thanks to my best friend, yesterday I went on a brief trip and luckily it wasn't a regular snowing, but it was with star shaped snowflakes, to fulfill my macro needs!

Featured!

2011-02-23T19:10:00.000+02:00

Check out this article: here!

I have been featured! Thank you Dungha!

[For older posts, just search for "the elder" in the blog I just linked]

Risk

2011-02-22T01:01:00.000+02:00

Uncertainty, it can be either good or bad, good AND bad. You wonder whether you should cross that thin ice, you wonder if it'll hold you or if you'll collapse because of your own self. This uncertainty is in fact directed by the weight of your being and the strength of what's holding you. But you will never know if you succeed unless you attempt. Your being may be heavy, but the grounds can surprise you. Your being may be light and that'd give you a sense of security, no heavy conscience, nothing charged and yet you'd fall. And who knows, maybe you'll discover your secret wings.

Ghost Town

2011-02-19T12:04:00.002+02:00

And tell me, is it the town or its ghost that frightens us?

On Spirits

2011-02-16T22:18:00.001+02:00

On spirits: It can either be the ghost of your long lost relative or idol that's paying you a visit or simple electrical impulses. It is a matter of perception: while to some, the thunder brings fear, to others the lightning does. This neither makes any of the two less imposing or dangerous nor do they exclude each other. They're in tandem, just like spirits through electricity.

Photospection 19.0

2011-02-14T21:14:00.000+02:00

Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.

There you go. I know that my position is weird and I can guarantee you that I wasn't peeing or anything. I usually sit in that position, even today. And I put my vampirefreaks watermark long ago, I am too lazy to add a blogger one. I edited it a bit because since it is an old photo, it looked way too sharp. I think I was 3-4 years old in this photo, but I am not sure.

Photospection 18.0

2011-02-12T15:54:00.000+02:00

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Loneliness, sadness, this one way track of human corrosion. This is what kills dreams and hopes, this fall into your own lack of power. Lacking. The mighty Unable. The lack of will to power. The killing of hope. When masses turn a dream into a public crime. This is hell, not somewhere else. Turning love into flesh and flesh into earth. Love is unearthly. Love cannot be turned into a feast of maggots and yet it is, day in and day out, by those who kill our dream.

Photospection 17.0

2011-02-09T22:12:00.001+02:00

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

My iPhone. It has changed a big part of my life recently. I didn't think I could handle a smartphone and now I've become quite addicted to it. I will never give or sell my old phones because they have a rather spiritual meaning (oh, the irony), but this phone helped me a lot, many times. It feels like an entity, it's now "My iPhone and I", haha. Oh and please refrain from "Apple is crap" or "HTC/Samsung is better", I don't really care. I notice this a lot, but you know, when somebody shows you something they've bought and they're happy with it, saying that another product is better or that the product sucks is very annoying. You can tell them in another conversation, but NOT when they just showed you what they bought.

Who Knows Where the Light Goes...

2011-02-05T22:12:00.000+02:00

Who knows where the light goes?... They say that rivers are an analogy of the spirit's wandering through death. Rivers are indeed mysterious, especially at night. They can carry you in a vortex of adrenalin or leave you to rest on its shores. They can let you drink from their body or poison you later. Their sound can calm you down or render you insane if you spend too much time around them. They're like philosophy, if you ask me. :)

*This photo was not taken with sepia filter, it came out like this because of the light.

Photospection 16.0

2011-02-03T19:42:00.001+02:00

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.

Anyone who can see the light in obscurity, even if the light can be blinding at times.

Does Alchohol Bond People?

2011-02-02T00:08:00.002+02:00

You often think that with alcohol, you will make friends/lover(s). And you think that by using this neuron killing substance, you will become invincible and overall cool. You often say that a party without alcohol is useless. You would rather give up on food than on the precious drink. But does alcohol truly bond people? Well, I have noticed that the situation goes just like in this photo. The bottles remain somewhere and spiders find their way, linking them - a symbol of the usual "nobody has been here for a while". This is how it goes with alcohol and friendships. You think that the bond is there, but in fact, it is but a shadow of a bond, a spiderweb, a proof that nobody has been there and nobody probably will. It is the impression that there is something there. In reality, you leave the friendship untouched, in fact, it is dead from the moment of birth.

NF Macro

Kids

2011-01-31T19:22:00.000+02:00

Kids. They can see the beauty when the rest just pass by. They can say things that leave adults speechless. They can as you a question that not in a million years could you answer. Their honesty can be incisive, but never brutal. If a kid's honesty is brutal, it means that an adult stuck evilness into their words.

Photospection 15.0

2011-01-31T19:16:00.000+02:00

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.

I want to go to Outer Space.
[image courtesy of NASA]

Represent

2011-01-29T20:52:00.000+02:00

This came into my attention when I recently saw that some ~~bimbo~~ girl has been chosen to represent a pizza company. The contract is offering her free pizza whenever she wants and in any quantity that she wants. It bothers me to see that she didn't even think to order a lot of pizza and give it to the starving people. It bothers me to see that these things only happen to overnight enriched people. They have enough money to eat, but a large percent of the people in my country can't afford a decent meal. It is unfair that these people always get more and more while the rest of the people can't even afford to go out once a month.

The photo has nothing to do with the firm in discussion and I shall not divulge the name of the girl. It is not THIS girl that is the core of all, it is ALL the people who get too much while others have nothing. Maybe one should ponder upon this. And it is not only about pizza.

Made of Water

2011-01-29T00:52:00.001+02:00

What if I were made of water?... I could enter anywhere, unseen, unsuspected. I would be a drop on his palm or a tear in your eye or a puddle they'd step in. I could become insubstantial. I'd be oxygen. I would find out everything. I would become the source of life.

[This photo is UNEDITED. The droplets are real. The only filter given to this photo was BW&sharpen. Self portrait, Christmas '09.]

BW Weekend

The Way of the Storm

2011-01-28T19:33:00.000+02:00

The way of the storm, a one way street that guides the multiplicity of possibilities.

Skywatchers

Artist's Spirit & the Mistake Theory

2011-01-28T00:37:00.000+02:00

I found this shot after a long time after I went to the concert. This photo's only modification is the addition of sepia due to poor colors. The rest is only my camera's piece of work. I think it depicts the spirit of the artist in its true value and I am not talking about this particular singer, but about the artist in general. It is amazing how a photo can get to the essence of something, apparently by mistake. Yes, because this photo was taken by mistake..but, hell, sometimes, the most interesting things happen by...mistake.

[Photo taken at the ARTMANIA festival - Aaron (My Dying Bride)]

Photospection 14.0

2011-01-28T00:27:00.000+02:00

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

You seem to really want photos of shadows. Fine, here you go: shadows again. What bothers me is that there are three/four more people who don't appear here. But you get the idea.

Photospection 13.0

2011-01-26T21:06:00.001+02:00

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.

Metallica. The best concert I've been to and my favorite band. The photos are poor quality due to heavy rain, misty lens and not a professional camera, but it doesn't really matter. The Memory Remains.

Photospection 12.0

2011-01-25T19:58:00.001+02:00

Day 12 - A picture of something you love.

I love it when dreams come true - when although everybody tells you that it can't happen, it does. I love the feeling of accomplishment that you get when something that you secretly hoped for, but everybody said that it can't happen, comes true. I love their looks when they see that it happened. It gives them a hope of their own.

[This is one of the 3 autographs that I received from Mark Harmon, my mentor, at my request. That photo is one of the photos that I sent him.]

Photospection 11.0

2011-01-24T16:06:00.000+02:00

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.

I hate that many things have been reduced to their fake version. I hate those that adore and promote what is fake. Fake nature, fake food, fake feelings, fake bodies, fake personalities. I hate how they claim that they're true and ultimate. But what I hate above all is fake love: a sex drive coated in feelings; girls who claim that they're in love, but their love is only given to some rich guys. Cheating. Lies. Fake clouds. Fake identity.

Photospection 10.0

2011-01-22T19:50:00.000+02:00

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most f***ed up things with.

I don't do any fucked up things with anybody. The most fucked up things I do by myself. You really cannot touch what's in my mind. The few who have seen what is in my mind were dazed. So this is the person that I do the most fucked up things with: it's me.

Stellar

2011-01-22T19:12:00.000+02:00

It is always fun to find beauty in every color or shape. Or maybe from outer space. The most interesting shapes come from outer space. You are stellar.

Out of our Mind

2011-01-20T20:20:00.001+02:00

Oh, but who said that the mind resides in this body, this head that, with time and the process of dying, becomes a carcass of a soul?... How wretched must this sight be, that the mind is but a fragment of existence. They were religious, monks who served their life and instincts to the Divine. Yet, you can see their bare heads staring at you like any other deceased. Is this the life?

Death of a Picture

2011-01-19T17:45:00.002+02:00

You wanted to know if objects could feel, if matter can become divine and yearn to leave to the other side. I visited this abandoned house in Theologos [Greece] for 3 years in a row and I captured how this portrait aged. It might have no life inside, but biology isn't the purpose.

The photo wished to greet me, like it did in the first year I visited it, when it first caught my sight. The eyes were covered and I wished I could lay a veil over it, like they do at the morgue. But maybe it didn't die yet. Maybe it was just dying on me.

My Other World

2011-01-16T12:46:00.005+02:00

This is the artist's apparently monochromatic world. There are colors in there, but the naked eye is limited from seeing them. The naked eye has to apprehend to see, from critiques and commentators. And the artist lingers on, in this material world, only to look at the mirror of his parallel existence, his work, rising mighty from the grounds of his mind and spirit, entirely exhilarating. He is doomed to walk the earth in a veil of grey until his colors turn visible, beyond biography.

*Entry for BW Weekend

Shapes & Scales

2011-01-15T18:57:00.002+02:00

And it's the scales of the new era that should have curves instead of blades. It's their touch of a cold blade that cuts into the pride of centuries, when people weren't yet turned into pixels and bytes.

Write me a Secret

2011-01-11T20:23:00.003+02:00

You wrote me a secret on the wall somewhere in Paris, where I went and of all the buildings there, your whispers have guided me to the right place. It is possible to feel the vibe of one place, one memory that you have never had, but lingers there in the back of your eye as if it happened. It could be a part of a very distant dream of a parralel life. You never asked where the place is, but life leads you there.

Ever noticed that most of the embarrasing situations about women involve heels?

To all the so-called NCIS fans...

2011-01-11T11:57:00.008+02:00

This goes to all the NCIS so-called fans who populate the internet lately and, because they have nothing better to do because being retarded must suck, they go and diss the show in every place possible. You can see most of them claiming to be Ziva fans, getting already clinically obsessed with that "TIVA" thing [you know when someone is clinically obsessed when they ceasslessly read into something that doesn't really exist]. Most of the times, they claim that they hate one of the actors, mostly Michael Weatherly or/and his character, Tony, for the most stupid reasons, such as his sense of humor. Why? Because THEY do not have a sense of humor. Only HUMORLESS people can get so butthurt over jokes that are actually funny. Tony has the best jokes, he keeps the humor in the show smooth, you have seen in the latest episode how it can be without him. Yet, these people who claim to be fans and ruin our name over and over, attack the actors, characters and crew. You are not fans, you are a bunch of wankers. And I am getting sick of you. And not me, in fact, all the fans of NCIS are getting sick of you. A true fan would never diss their favorite show in such a way. A true fan would never wish that one of the cast members died. Yes, don't lie, I saw it written "I wish M.W. died." How could you ever write that? How can you dare to call yourself a fan and wish upon their real death?

There is one thing to say in a respectful manner what you dislike and give options and another to actually insult these people who have done nothing wrong to you. Let's see you making something that becomes #1. You have NO RIGHT to insult them. You were NEVER real fans and you will NEVER be. This goes to all the people who insult anything but claim to love it, not only NCIS. I speak of NCIS because it concerns me. You say that you want the "Tony that acts like a man", you could say it nicely and even if most of us disagree, you wouldn't sound like an ass. And must I remind you how much you dissed Ziva when Kate died and now you all love her? Yeah, because you always have to find someone to diss.

Now for sure that if one of you will read this, you will feel offended. You deserve, just for the record. You are low. Go to hell.

Evolution?

2011-01-07T23:37:00.004+02:00

They say that the world has evolved. The earth grew monoliths and sky scrapers, the buildings became alive.. but yet the man is still alone. The ground bore scales and horns and the fire, once destructive, became the source of creation and moulding...yet the man is still alone. Enhancement has become the primary way of reflecting someone or something, plastic perfection has replaced the wrinkles of time and feelings and yet in these covers of plastic and pow(d)er, the man is still alone.

For the man will always be alone within the unnatural.

2011

2010-12-31T16:24:00.000+02:00

Happy New Year! Make it better than all the other years!

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T23:01:00.003+02:00

Merry Christmas everyone!

Photospection 9.0

2010-12-18T20:43:00.002+02:00

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

It's the shadow, for it will always follow. It is dark, for you will never know its deepness. One person is missing from there, though. It has no face; you wouldn't expect the real deal, would you?

Photospection 8.0

2010-12-01T23:34:00.002+02:00

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.

Well, show me where love is. It may be a good metaphor to how people trash this feeling, eh?

Azi e Ziua Nationala si voi spune La Multi Ani in romana.

Photospection 7.0

2010-11-26T23:57:00.003+02:00

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.

If this whole photospection list is only about mosts, then I am in big trouble. I am not the person to pick mosts...For me, the first place is always in threes or fours, never in ones. But look, I will choose the collection that is deeply in my heart and that I would never sell. I don't care if it's childish, because it means the world to me. Those are not all the teddies from metoyou that I own [there are about 5 that don't appear in this photo], I love them like my babies, I share good and bad with them and they keep me warm and cozy. My closest friends know very well how I turn into little hearts whenever I receive/buy/see one. I wish that all the metoyou teddies in the world were mine and somehow, I feel that they are. You can see some "blue nose friends" and random plushies amongst them.

And before someone says that they are expensive, I know they are... I collect them and in this case at least I am sending money to those who made them because they are geniuses, to me. So I can't pick just one, they're all treasured.

Photospection 6.0

2010-11-25T18:00:00.002+02:00

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

Pam Dawber. Now...guess why. And it wouldn't be a day, it'd be more like a lifetime or two lifetimes or...an infinite lifetimes. :)

Photospection 5.0

2010-11-23T19:33:00.004+02:00

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.

I cannot pick only one favorite memory. However, this photo is from one of my favorite memories, the Metallica concert from 3 years ago. It was a night to always remember.

Photospection 4.0

2010-11-18T00:45:00.004+02:00

Day 04 - A picture of your night.

My nights are a mixture of an artsy dreaming and a playful seriousness. My nights are not to be explored or tresspassed unless invited. My nights are intimate, yet exhibitionistic, dark and yet bathing in light, alone yet surrounded by the whole world. My nights are a paradox.

[photo: Place du Tertre, Paris, 2009]

Photospection 3.0

2010-11-16T00:25:00.004+02:00

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.

NCIS is my favorite show of all times. It has changed my life in good, it has originality and it's highly underrated in my country. These guys have become like a second family and I love that they keep contact with their fans and act like they are human and not some untouchable superstars.

Photospection 2.0

2010-11-11T19:08:00.004+02:00

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

That is my best friend, if you don't count the family. By the way, I have been awarded this prize by wind, since we're at friends:

Photospection 1.0

2010-11-07T17:56:00.003+02:00

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.

#1. I believe in Jesus, but I am not religious.

#2. I have dreams of things that I've never done, later to realize that they were exactly how I dreamt.

#3. I have been writing since I was 9, singing since I was around 4-5 and I composed a few songs.

#4. I use Photoshop as a weapon against reality.

#5. I am a smoker and don't yet have the balls to quit.

#6. I have missed a funeral in the family because I think that I have a phobia of funerals.

#7. When I want something, the Universe DOES align so I can have it, one way or another.

#8. All the men that I have dated and hurt me, ended up being hurt, in different circumstances.

#9. I have a strong relationship with my close family.

#10. The TV show NCIS along with Mark Harmon changed my life in good.

#11. I hate alcohol because I drank and felt pathetic.

#12. I have a big sex drive, but I am (very) hard to get. I don't play hard to get, I just am.

#13. I have been into photography for a few years, but I need a professional camera. [Donations? :)]

#14. I love life and hate people who kill themselves or wish to die.

#15. I am a techie.

Introspection 30.0

2010-11-05T00:36:00.003+02:00

[Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.]

I don't need a letter to say everything that I love about myself. I love myself. If I wouldn't love myself, then who would love me? I don't want to understand all these people that keep on rambling about how much they hate themselves, how full of shit they are.

Loving yourself doesn't mean that you're a narcissist or conceited. Usually people who have a very low self esteem or are fake like to believe that. Loving yourself means respecting yourself, taking care of yourself so you can also be able to truly love someone else.

[yeah, that's my leg in the photo alright. :)]

Introspection 29.0

2010-11-01T20:23:00.002+02:00

[Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.]

I absolutely HATE my fear of people and of speaking in public. I HATE it. I hate my tone of voice in certain situations, it seems pissed when in fact I am not pissed. I want to change my antisocial behavior towards mildly more social.. ~~I want to be less picky~~...wait...I do like being picky about men...although I'm a bit too much like Procust. I want to change my family name into Harmon. :">

And since I like every opportunity to celebrate, Happy Halloween!

Introspection 28.0

2010-10-29T00:03:00.003+03:00

[Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?]

This is one of those questions that have to face me with the event to give the sincere answer. So, what I will say now is what I THINK that I'd do: if I were pregnant, I would keep the baby because aborting the first child is dangerous. I would keep the baby and have my family help me raise him. Under no circumstances would I ever give my child for adoption. I would also get the father and make him help me. However, I'd stay away from being pregnant in the first place.

Introspection 27.0

2010-10-23T23:56:00.003+03:00

[Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?]

My health. No matter how cliché that might sound, without that, the other good things don't matter.

[photo taken by Wind, but the idea was mine]

Introspection 26.0

2010-10-17T22:52:00.004+03:00

[Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?]

Yes and before I answer this, I must add that suicide is one of the most IDIOTIC thing that exists in this world and everybody who has done it is a retard. I don't care if you have friends who did this, it's no excuse, it doesn't exonerate it, it is still retarded.

And actually being faced with the desire to do it made me realize how absurd it is. And the reason wasn't what most people call depression [only 1% of those had a REAL depression anyway].

This subject makes me cranky, so I won't bother to write more. Suicide shouldn't even exist and especially those retards who want to kill themselves at the subway, they all deserve to survive but be forever paralysed or fucked up for life. If you want to kill yourself, do it in your own damn home, not in a place where you block so many people from going on with their LIVES.

Introspection 25.0

2010-10-12T00:28:00.002+03:00

[Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.]

Because of family and a good doctor when I was in a coma.

[photo taken in Monte Carlo, some years ago]

Introspection 24.0

2010-10-05T21:07:00.003+03:00

[Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.]

Metallica - Nothing Else Matters [because it describes the situation perfectly]

Enigma - Beyond the Invisible [because it would expand his horizons about me]

Roxette - Spending my Time [because it's how I feel, sadly]

Mayhem - View from Nihil [because it's what I feel about society]

Roxette - My World, My Love, My Life [because it's him] *thanks to ni for this song.

Bathory - Song to Hall Up High [because he has to know the song behind the meaning of my tattoo]

Röyksopp - What Else Is There? [because it's electric]

It's for Mark.

Introspection 23.0

2010-10-02T18:12:00.002+03:00

[Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.]

I wish that when we went to Norway by car that time, not to have been lazy and drive 100 more km or so and see the Northern Lights. It would've been gorgeous to do that. And I wish I kept my photos from that trip in a better place, because being on film, they got lost and for years I haven't been able to find them. I know that the memory remains, but sometimes, one needs to induce the memory with certain stimuli.

[Photo taken by Wind - Meteora 2010]

Introspection 22.0

2010-09-28T00:12:00.004+03:00

[Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.]

I wish I didn't start smoking. But thanks to an ex-asshole who abused my 16 years old kid mind, I did. It was my fault as well, although at 16, I didn't think very much.

Introspection 21.0

2010-09-22T12:44:00.002+03:00

[Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?]

So what if we had a fight?! She had an ACCIDENT, for God's sake. I would rush down and get her help and stay 24/7 at the hospital, regardless of her telling me to go home, no matter how big the fight could've been. If she had an accident in NFSU2 then I wouldn't mind [♥] - she has them often. Besides, whenever I fight with her and my anger management isn't right on, I regret already, during the fight, let alone after the fight.

[photo taken by Wind - Meteora 2010]

Introspection 20.0

2010-09-16T22:25:00.002+03:00

[Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.]

I have done easy drugs and alcohol, so I won't really speak from what I've heard or seen. If you need a substance to make you have fun and to give you the status of being cool, then you're worse than those who need a car to get a girl. Those are at least pathetic to the core, they extract their own self and project their masculinity onto a car, but you stick that substance in you and claim that it's you, alright. And then, you get to the point when you puke your brains, walk worse than a baby and look like hell, not to mention not remembering anything.

And then you go to hard drugs and almost kill your parents to get a dose. So...what exactly do I think?

I remembered about the case of this girl. No need to say why or how, it's all written there. There were others who were murdered just like she was. And you wouldn't want me to be the president, I would actually shoot everybody who___ I won't write it, you get the picture, the whole picture.

[photo taken by Wind]

Introspection 19.0

2010-09-16T00:02:00.002+03:00

[Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?]

Religion is something that should give people power, not make them act foolish and disrespectful towards other religions or beliefs or fight in a crowd over a piece of sanctified bread. That is not religion and those people are not religious, but greedy and stupid.

Politics...should be the way to maintain order, to govern, to keep peace, but what has become of that is an entire degradation.

[photo taken by Wind]

Marky

2010-09-07T20:20:00.003+03:00

I have given up wishing happy birthdays to friends on my blog because I can personally wish them the best things in the world. However, Mark Harmon wasn't right beside me when his birthday came [09.02.2010] and he is a special friend.

I am in Greece right now, I have been to Corfu [Kerkyra] island and now I am in Thassos island and Mark's birthday was the only sunny day in Corfu. Rain chased us away back in our Thassos, let's call it a third home. :) I love Thassos, I feel like at home here, I made friends here, people that are happy to see me.

So, Mark, this goes to you, have a happy belated birthday [publically because in real life, I celebrated your birthday right then, by the sea]. You make me smile every single day, you are truly a blessing to me.

I miss my home and best friend, but there's not much left until I will be there. I'll continue the introspections, this was only a "pause" post.

By the way, I almost learnt all the Greek alphabet. Stay tuned and in a few days I will add a photo of me taken on September 2nd.

:)

Introspection 18.0

2010-08-29T15:23:00.003+03:00

[Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.]

They can marry, what's all this fuss? They are human and have feelings, like everyone else. Stop treating them like some sort of choleric people. Maybe a lot of you homophones should check up your ineptitude before you throw rocks at these people, you're not saints either.

Introspection 17.0

2010-08-26T22:38:00.003+03:00

[Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.]

Friedrich Nietzsche - "Beyond Good and Evil".

And on a side note, unrelated...nevermind. You can do to my deviantart page and find out♥.

Introspection 16.0

2010-08-23T00:10:00.003+03:00

[Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.]

Someone would be all the people that pass by me everyday and all the acquaintances, that includes all the university colleagues, or highschool colleagues and that would sum about 95% of the people I know. As about something, I could very well live without alcohol. In fact, I live without it and it's much better than using it.

Introspection 15.0

2010-08-10T23:55:00.003+03:00

[Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.]

Well, to be honest, I never tried living without someone that I couldn't live without, so I'll go with something instead. When I realize that I could live without that person, I let them go, not before.

So, that being said, something that I've tried living without but couldn't was...oh damn, now that I think more thoroughly, there is nothing that I couldn't live without. Yes, I love my computer and cigarettes and cola and teddy bear collection, but I stayed without a PC and without cigarettes and besides being jumpy for a while, I survived pretty well. As about my teddies, I could live without them, although I'd probably cry every day.

Uh, why don't I fuckin' quit smoking then, that is the question.

Introspection 14.0

2010-08-01T12:29:00.003+03:00

[Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.]

None of my heroes has let me down, but if Trent Reznor continues to keep me on a bed of nails, he will be on my list. I know I missed that concert and I'm angry on myself, so I'd say that we're even for the time being.

Introspection 13.0

2010-07-30T00:04:00.002+03:00

[Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days.]

That's James Hetfield and Metallica. They got me through tough days, through happy days, through everything. They're my number one. I've heard people bashing them, praising them but I have remained the same and I don't need to have every bootleg they made or know their shoe size to prove that.

Introspection 12.0

2010-07-27T12:27:00.002+03:00

[Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.]

I almost never get compliments on my boobies and that explains: they're rather small. To be honest [and I am NOT being self-sufficient or jealous], I'd rather have them like this than botox them. If nature made me like this and an operation is rather dangerous, then all these compliments I'd get aren't worth the risk.

Introspection 11.0

2010-07-26T22:16:00.004+03:00

[Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.]

My Photoshop skills, my eyes and my unnatural hair color - the red. I might say that I am a walking red haired photoshop with eyes.

Introspection 10.0

2010-07-25T13:15:00.005+03:00

[Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.]

The man who makes me think of him when I listen to this song:

Waiting for a beam

To break through here

A chain way vision

All bright and clear

And they talk

And they dance

I was expecting something pure

With a golden hair

Arms full of bracelets

And smoke in the air

And they talk

And they dance

Here comes darkness

Just afternoon

Waiting for a sign

If I survive

I’ll worship the moon

Or something

This must be it

Long for bliss

First it was so quiet

Now I know I’m not alone in here

(And they talked, And they danced)

Two omens collide in my open hand

Making me a viewer

I am what I have seen

And they talk

And they dance

Your hand on my hips

Speak friendly to me

I’ve been studying for years

Patiently

Is this as far as you can take me?

This must be it

Long for bliss

First it was so quiet

Now I know I’m not alone in here

(And they talked, And they danced).

[Röyksopp - This Must Be It]

I know that I should, but I can't let go of him, not just yet.

Introspection 9.0

2010-07-24T11:29:00.003+03:00

[Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.]

My last partner. I guess the inevitable is happening and in time, we won't be talking to each other anymore and it's sad because we kept contact for a long time after I ended the relationship.

Introspection 8.0

2010-07-15T23:13:00.004+03:00

[Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.]

All the bullies out there who, for NO reason, said mean things to me, for free, without getting ANY viable good thing out of it and merely a short satisfaction. Do you know that YOU are one of the main reasons for people committing murders or for killing themselves? Do you know that because of "jokes" like that, kids grow up to become screwed up adults or grab a shotgun and go on a killing rampage? No, it's not the tv's fault, tv doesn't give you so much rage. Do you know that your little piece of shit you call fun should be ILLEGAL because a few people realize what damage it does? I can control myself, but boy sometimes I'd love to just feel that these sick jokes would be punished by law because even if your bullying is "mild" and not stripping someone and taking them through the city, it's still scarring, you dumb pieces of shit. Read the lives of most serial killers or those who went on school shootings or ~~a lot of~~ most suicide cases.

Harsh language, I know, but for some reason this post brought up a lot of demons. And I KNOW that the ONLY ones who might tell me that I am overreacting are actual bullies so your opinion = fail.

Introspection 7.0

2010-07-15T00:27:00.002+03:00

[Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.]

The family. We always set new goals and I have to say that I don't know many families who choose to spend their money on travelling instead of temporary mundane pleasures.

Introspection 6.0

2010-07-11T21:16:00.003+03:00

[Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.]

Ahh, fears that, through such a persevering strength turn into phobias or at least in my case they do. It is almost impossible to choose one of the thoughts that have come to make my mind really cringe even as they tread on my living in the most discreet way possible. I will NOT write about not ever wanting for the loved ones to die, because that's innate. So, all that remains is not ever wanting to live all my life against my principles, against my will, in a cage far away from those I love.

And by cage you can think of a lot of meanings...

Introspection 5.0

2010-07-10T12:22:00.003+03:00

[Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.]

I hope to meet a man to love, but by love I mean REALLY love, to die for and for him to love me back. My life revolves around love and my addiction is very powerful, like that song said:

"You like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh Yeah

it’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough,

you know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to love."

[Robert Palmer - Addicted to Love]

Introspection 4.0

2010-07-09T11:48:00.002+03:00

[Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.]

It would have to be our latin teacher for failing us until the last moment all the time. Now, after centuries, I realized that I learnt some latin from her and it helps me a lot in college.

Introspection 3.0

2010-07-07T12:57:00.003+03:00

[Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.]

I forgive myself for sometimes putting my well being in front of the death or extreme misery of others.

Oh and happy birthday to me! :D

Introspection 2.0

2010-07-03T20:47:00.003+03:00

[Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.]

I love my perseverence. If I want something, I never give up until I get it and if I didn't get it, it means that I just got bored in the meantime and gave up. This perseverence also exists in my relationships, no matter their nature; if I really care about someone, (almost) nothing will keep us apart.

Introspection 1.0

2010-07-02T11:26:00.003+03:00

[Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.]

My pride. Sometimes it leads me to do the most stupid things someone could do. I wish my main capital sin weren't pride; it's one of the most self-destructive sins someone could have. I think I'd be like the killer in the episode Murder 2.0 [NCIS] and when it unites with wrath, it's like a Molotov cocktail.

...out of your mind and into mine...

2010-06-27T23:11:00.006+03:00

You know what's really cool? Getting inspired in Photoshop while listening to the Rammstein live concert through your window [that being said you won't figure out where exactly I live even if you know a general location unless you follow me; but don't do that, it's creepy]. And what's even cooler is the memory of 2 years ago's Metallica concert, when I shouted SAD BUT TRUE and the happy coincidence made it so that they played this song right then. Many of you asked me if I am going to Sonisphere and my answer was no; I wanted to answer all of you at once, here, in my blog. Sorry to disappoint. :)

However, as the title says, if you go out of your mind and into mine, I was there these two nights [especially the second night of this festival] and I am sure that I was more there than a lot of people who, quoting my best friend, will only remember the floor and the number of beers they had. I am also giving a message to fellow real "Metllica" fans who never got the chance to see them: seeing them live doesn't make you more or less of a fan. Being a fan means respecting the band, getting the message, not signing your presence at their concert. I know someone who is a real fan of a band that she's never seen live. I could have gone to this festival, I have been offered a lot of opportunities and I declined from the start not only because I have seen Metallica, but because I didn't want to go. I'd like to make it clear to whoever reads this that I don't listen to Metallica a little before and after a concert, this band is my number one at all times. So read this and I won't have to repeat myself all the time.

However, those of you who are real fans and went to this concert or simply know me well enough, I am sure that you went out of your minds and into mine and understood the purpose of my post. :) I know it was a blast, I was there...sort of.

Moving on. I know I haven't been writing here for a while and that's because sometimes, one finds himself in a moment of no inspiration. While some would force themselves into composing a sad song of lack of thought, others simply take a break. My break consisted in visual arts, NCIS marathon and other activities [following the NCIS marathon :))].

I have realized that sometimes, spiritual travelling can be much more amazing than physical. Actually, to some degree, I have forsaken my physical adventures in favor of the spiritual ones. To some degree, as stated. I don't live in Neverland and I am not schizophrenic either.

I have also realized that sometimes I need reasurrance. That's not good, but admitting the disease is one step in curing it. I also noticed that sometimes I am still stuck to appearances, but that is changing.

I will try some freewriting in the future.

[*photo taken by my best friend, modified by me.]

(Un)tamed

2010-06-08T00:51:00.004+03:00

I have foreseen in him..the risk of being untamed. And let me tell you how fine that risk is, how pleasant and exhilarating, sometimes even sexually arousing it is...how it stirs those emotions that you have locked in a drawer somewhere, when as a child, they educated you about human and imoral.

Love...love is not a word I throw between sheets or beyond the speed limits, love is for the sacred. Love is that body that turns into smoke and no matter how insubstantial that body becomes and no matter how impossible it is to grip it, the feeling continues to rise until it becomes you, like death, only better. And then, you start to smoke every cigarette, to just have a glimpse of that feeling you've had or dreamed to have, but all of them become cancerous, leaving that bad taste in your mouth, for this smoke you are looking for cannot stem from a package...it's one of a kind.

And it wanders through music, just like a song you knew as a child, but cannot remember its name, you only recall a few notes, like a distant memory from a past life, but you cannot tell whether it was this song...or that song...or a creation of your own mind. But you, entirely tamed by the curses that they threw over your dreams, you still keep them locked, without air or light, hoping they'd die. What you forget is that they don't need neither air nor light, for as you thought that they'd lay there silent, they slowly crawled inside you, begging you to remember and they saw the same light that you saw.

After a while, it's not love that you seek anymore, but revenge. All these years turn into a deep wound that you feel at each step that you take in the opposite direction. It pulls you back, but we all know that man will always be slightly masochistic. Ceasing our dreams, refusing to live, a torture that most of us take gladly.

Society? Oh, but that's simply a handful of frustrations. Principles, morality, wealth, they all hide the inner wish, that burning desire to be acknowledged and safe. They need prejudgments to hold you down, to put the mask on your face and in some cases (the happy ones), that mask begins to asphyxiate you, and you feel it, but ignore it, the lack of air brings that rush of hallucination that makes you feel good for a while, but only for a while...and if you don't hurry, you'll panic and you won't be able to escape. In the other cases, the mask merges with your face and you become the prejudgment.

Morality...most likely, an excuse for men to have fun and women to endure. Wealth...simply creating a carton (metal or diamond) personality to the ones without a face, the simplest road to acknowledgement. Building your being is hard, buying your being is easy and after you're done, you'll continue by buying other beings.

But those are for the weak kind and if you're weak, you're never safe. Safe is for the strong. The weak need shelter, they depend on it. Take the wealth from a man and throw him in an island, with other people that don't know about it, he will be destroyed. Take the word sex out of his vocabulary and he'll be talking like a 5 year old.

But I want to be untamed so I'm unlocking my drawers.

For Each other.

2010-06-07T11:26:00.004+03:00

Helplessly hoping her harlequin hovers nearby

Awaiting a word

Gasping at glimpses of gentle true spirit he runs

Wishing he could fly

Only to trip at the sound of goodbye

Wordlessly watching he waits by the window and wonders

At the empty place inside

Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams he worries

Did he hear a good-bye?

Or even hello?

They are one person

They are two alone

They are three together

They are for each other

Stand by the stairway you'll see something certain to tell you

Confusion has its cost

Love isn't lying it's loose in a lady who lingers

Saying she is lost

And choking on hello

They are one person

They are two alone

They are three together

They are for each other

[Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Helplessly Hoping]

I never thought of dividing myself, it couldn't be any other way.

Chemicalville

2010-05-03T00:47:00.006+03:00

I believe that once you've gotten to the point where everything is a chemical process to you, you have successfully robotized. I remember an old mistake of my life, taking a human form, telling me that love is a only chemical in the brain and I agreed, but not to the point of certainty. Of course that love has a lot to do with chemicals, we're physical after all, but as long as you cannot create LIFE out of nothing, you cannot dare to consider that everything has only a physical and chemical basis.

No, romance is not dead, but it might be dead to you. And how sad it must be to live a life of cycles and processes. How sad it should be to live without having a shiver or unexplained butterflies in your stomach, even at the sight of a photo, preferring a life of apathy and being certain that love cannot kill the demon.

I pity these people. Their life must be really boring up there in Chemicalville, thinking that everything that attracts two people is the urge to mate and mocking platonic love.

Platonic love is amazing and it's what buries all those theories about love = mating. But all these experts in love will always say that platonic love is a childish matter. I swear to you that I'd rather live all my life in platonic love than live one hour in the reign of Chemicalville. And thinking that whenever a man/woman gets close to you, it's because of your money, position or simply to screw you, then you really do think low of yourself. The funniest thing is that the people who have the lowest image of themselves give the most bitter answers to life.

I resent this mass-media that breeds its little monsters who look for what's practical, rather than what their heart always wanted and I am not talking about the need to survive... Our minds have been poisoned by the modern view of romance as a ephemeral choice rather than a way of life. The cycle is: short flirt, romance and routine. Ah, but that's so dull. Has dullness become a part of human nature? Is that why love is only surviving in novels? Well, can't all these writers be insane... Even more, romantic love is perceived as a paroxism and society breeds the utter dullness and evilness of what they call "attraction". It's all about utility. Love is not useful. Pragmatism has nothing to do with love. Love is not pragmatic, but chemical feelings are.

So, these people will enjoy their chemical marriage [that IF they ever decide to take that step], but marriage will only be a piece of paper that will confirm that a chemical process is taking place. I am not going to go easy on all these people, because they have never gone easy on me. But a blog article won't hurt the way the stinging remarks do, especially when things go bad.

"If you weren't so romantic, you wouldn't suffer."

I would rather suffer than give up on the one thing that has always killed my demons. And for all the "rejectors" of human nature, watch this film that has always been one of my favorites: here. Maybe you'll learn something.